March 14, 2014
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"My biggest fear..."
"...is that one day everyone will turn their back on me because I made a mistake."
"Well, the only reason that would happen is because you stopped being yourself."October 2013. And the conversation continued as I explained that I meant that the fear is that the reality is that I'm a horrible person and that everyone realizes that and abandons me because I'm not worth the time. The fear is that I am not a great person and because of that the world would abandon me. This came from the high school relationship that convinced me that I'm an overall shitty person. My fear is that that asshole's words would be true.
But as I went over this fear in my head tonight and thought about that conversation with my good friends...I realized it happened. So maybe the person hasn't turned his back on me fully but he turned his back on the idea of "us" because I made a mistake, because I stopped being myself. Because he is now under the impression that I am someone who I am not.
Almost as if that conversation from October would foreshadow what would happen months later.
Z.
