June 27, 2013
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“New theory: You’ll never be as happy as you were when you were fifteen.”
It’s kind of a work in progress but it’s definitely something to ponder. I think a lot of people would agree when they say that fifteen years old was probably the highest point in their lives. In fact, many people long for that fifteen year old self because of how amazing they had it.
When I was fifteen, I was dead set on film and let it be known. When I was fifteen, I was throwing the best non-destructive and family friendly parties that still get referred to five years later. When I was fifteen, I was happy and young and in love. When I was fifteen I was freakin’ untouchable and life had barely grazed the surface. When I was fifteen I had it all.
But here’s the thing about fifteen.
“….our friendship is fifteen. We think we know everything but we don’t.”
You think you know everything but you don’t. Being fifteen you thought you had it all, you had it all figured out. You knew what you wanted and you knew where you were going. You’re young and naive and you’re so in love with love that you don’t even realize all of the things that are so much bigger than yourself that are awaiting you.
A couple of years later you realize you don’t have it all figured it out. It isn’t until later that you realize that life can bite pretty damn hard and that it has sharp teeth. And when we get to that point, of course we’re going to long for the happy times. Those happy times when you used to roll around in the grass staring at the sun with a couple of friends without a care in the freakin’ world.
It perplexes me to find people who still want to be fifteen when I’ve obviously moved past my fifteen year old self. I love her, I loved that but I refuse to live my life staring at the rearview mirror into the past. You keep doing that and you are bound to crash into something. I get it though. The past. It’s really hard to let go, no matter what bad could possibly could come out from holding onto that. But the tighter you hold onto something that is of your past the harder it will be for you to have a future.
Even if you tried, you will never be able to relive your experiences or get back the things you used to have. It won’t happen.
So no, you’ll never be as happy as when you were fifteen.
But you know what? You’ll never be as happy as when you were eighteen. Or twenty. Or twenty five.
So do me a favor and take a step back. Breathe in. Now let it out. Now find your happy right now within yourself. It exists, no matter what you think. Find it. And hold onto it. And embrace it. Hold that blessing close to your heart. And do this every day. Because if the fact that you are living and completely capable of making a difference for yourself and for the rest of the world (come on people, live for something bigger than yourself) isn’t a blessing to you, then you need to hold the breath in a little bit longer.
If you don’t you’ll hate yourself when you’re old and withering away, looking back at your past. Because who doesn’t regret the time they wasted on something they didn’t need to? No one.
– ZelleZ
