May 26, 2013
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The bro-zone
It’s a thing I do and have done for as long as I can remember. I don’t like to put gender labels on people and see people as people and hang out with people accordingly. Of course, it just so happens that majority of those people are male — because females are wayyyy too prissy in my experience for me to even bother with them. However, once in a blue moon do I ever consider one of my male posse (I fly straight ’cause I’m Christian like that) interesting enough for my affections. I just don’t. I can’t even really explain to you how it works because I don’t fully understand it myself but I don’t care for romance the way that other girls do. You see them flirting or swooning for one guy after the next but I’m one of those feminist “independent women who don’t need no man”. I like taking care of myself; I like feeling capable. Mostly because I like being someone to rely on.
But here’s my thing: I’ve basically got a wang. I am a bro. It took one too many years for high school friends to get it and I only hope that my college friends don’t need to take that amount of time. I have always gotten crap for hanging out with too many guys or one guy — some people think just because you’re good friends that there’s something going on. But I like being a bro. I like being one of the guys. I’m not afraid of ruining friendships or any of that bullcrap girls like to pull out. No. I just like being one of the guys and I don’t see why that should ever mean that we should get together at some point…like, would you date your brother? That’s incest. Srsly. I LIKE being a BRO. And it would be so much less complicated if I didn’t have to dance around the feelings of people I care about.
Once in a blue moon I will go gay for one special guy who grabs my attention enough for me to hold on to it. A small percentage of people aren’t in that bro-zone…..which is borderline no one….
But there’s another reason for this. Other than the fact that I’ve got ginormous male parts (Seriously, people who know me: if you’re reading this….get with it. I’m never interested and nothing you can do or say will make me interested. This is not a challenge. Stop now.), I have big brother issues. Angie once mentioned me always going to Sal first before going to the girls and it’s because of that. I have big brother issues. I’ve always known this.
My brother is a dead-beat, broken promise, worse than my father kind of guy who I was never able to rely on. As a kid, he hated me. To this day, he probably still hates me even though he knows I would drop anything for him if he really needed me. So for as long as I can remember, I have been in search for that one big brother I can always rely on whenever I could. Who would take care of me and make sure that I was taken care of.
Once upon a time, it was my lifetime and longtime bro who I’ve known since I was just a wee one. But he turned down a path in which I could no longer respect him. And as much as I love him and know he loves me, he has become just another dead-beat broken promise that I didn’t expect to get fulfilled.
Next came the princess. This time around was better. He does take care of me and he does make sure I’m all good. But we’ve been a little distant due to conflicting schedules and while he would drop anything for me, he just didn’t fit the part as fully as I wanted. It was nothing that he did but he’s more of that just barely older brother or just about the same age brother who you bicker with all the time.
No, I needed a big brother who would be my fortress when the world goes to shit. The person who legitimately knows better from seeing the world around him. Who will take care of me and makes sure I get taken care of. Who will make sure that no one hurts his little sister and who will go out of the way to comfort her with trivial things like cookies and Gatorade. Who keeps me grounded and even with my resistance (and eventual opposing sides), finds his way into reasoning with me. And there is so much more that he does for me than I could ever explain.
Yayu, you provide me with so much more than I could ever ask for. And you have completely filled that spot that I always forgot needed filling. And with stability at that.
I did. I found my big brother.
The future scary uncle whose snake-pit I will threaten my kids with when they misbehave.
– ZelleZ
Comments (1)
while I found this to be a little confusing because of your wording, I also found it very sweet. I’m glad you were able to find someone else to fill that big brother role. thanks for sharing some of your personal life.