May 3, 2013

• Promise Rings

  [Written May 3rd, 2013]

  In my junior year of high school I was given a promise ring with a heart shaped crystal. It didn't fit around my finger so I kept it on a chain for about a day before I saw that it irritated my skin. The ring itself did too. So I kept it on my cow cellphone holder.  

  Later on in that year, when I started to see someone else but before anything was official I found it on my cellphone holder and threw it across the mall parking garage out of bitterness from all the promises that had been broken (which is a story I never finished writing way back when). I saw it shine for a second before disappearing into the night. I, purposely not having my glasses on, didn't care to see it land. He, knowing where it did, asked what it was before volunteering to go get it. "Promise ring," I told him and he didn't move and we changed the subject. 

   

  Today, more than two years later, I was asked about the ring I wear around my right hand ring finger. I have been asked this a lot since I got it and I always get a little awkward when I talk about it and until today, I never really talked about why I wear it. 

   

  "Ruzelle, is that a promise ring?" asked the lead role of our short film as I dabbled on my laptop. 

   

  I laughed and answered, "sort of, not really." 

   

  "Did your boyfriend give it to you?" 

  "No."

   

  And so I not only proceeded to explain that I no longer had a boyfriend but also the gist of what this ring is to me — not in that order. The former was only explained because my lead camera pointed out that I also always wear my yellow ribbon.

   

  "It's a knot ring. So a lot of people use it as a promise ring and many assume that it's because of the person I had been with the last couple of years but I don't."

   

  Yes, I bought this ring because for some reason I felt like I needed to. But it isn't because of him. I think he's the one person who never asked about it, just liked to stare at it and play with it while it was on my finger. 

   

  But really, why the hell would I buy a ring that promises me to someone for myself? That's sadder than Megan's life.

   

  "It's a reminder to never give up."

   

  My promise ring is a promise to myself and to God to never let anything psyche me out to being the person I need to and was meant to be. To live my life without fear of whatever may come. To be fearless. To always push forward. To push for my passions no matter what the cause is. That nothing, not even myself, is worth compromising for what I love most and that would be God, him, my friends, sisters, and my work. I do not live for myself but for the God who I serve, the friends whom I love and the works of my hands. And that is more than enough for me.

   

  And the slim silver ring around my finger is my constant reminder that such passions will never end and never should and should never be put down and always worked for.

   

  When I die, I don't want people to remember who I am. Just what I did.  

   

  -- ZelleZ

   

  • 9:33 pm
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