February 17, 2012

  • Friday

    I’m pretty sure eventually my blogs won’t be so surrounded by you the same way my thoughts won’t be surrounded by you. But my Friday was about nothing but you.

    From my brother in law coming over the check on me and to give me tips on how to deal with everything since he’s in the guard — we’ve found a use for him.”Twenty bucks you’re going to cry during your first phone call with her.” I was half asleep when he said that to you. Your response made me laugh: “I don’t want to bet. I know I will.” 

    To being able to spend the day with the friends that I made in the same class that I met you. Shopping. Eating ice cream. Talking. Playing Quelf. Lazing around my house. Walking down memory lane.

    “You and him. It’s still fucking weird. I didn’t see that coming.”
    “Dude, no one did. WE didn’t.” 

    To the wonderful conversation I had with your mother over the phone, checking in on her and the rest of your family. Speaking of our days, our lives and the fact that you’ve yet to call which means you’re still processing. I love that she knows how to really hold a conversation and I can always appreciate a talker, since I myself am one. Especially since half of the things she says are hilarious stories from your childhood.

    “We used to have to hide chocolate from him because he’d just get sooooo hyper! But he’d ALWAYS find it and we’d be asking each other who gave him chocolate!”

    The day was pleasant. And strangely, you-filled despite your absence.

    I think this is part of realizing some things about us. That you exist. That we exist. And that I'm your other half. That despite your absence, you're still here with me the same way I'm somehow there with you. 

    “You’re always right here,” you said to me one night, lifting my hand to your heart. And likewise for you.

    It's still pretty wtf. And surreal. And part of me STILL has a hard time believing it.

    "Well, you better believe it! It's happening."

    And I am. Slowly but surely, I'm letting it all sink in that this is my life now. You are such a huge part of my life now and I haven't given you that credit yet. 

    It's raining. Look, baby. I still don't have to worry about the plants. The Lord's been so gracious. About everything. I'm so blessed. It's amazing. Really, really amazing.

    -- ZelleZ