January 15, 2012

  • Same Salt, Different Beach

    It's January now. But a few weeks ago, I was with Auston at the beach. The sun was about to start setting and just like the last time, I was clad in nothing but a Sanchez shirt and some shorts. I was wearing slippers this time, though. 

    I stood there, ankle deep in the cool salt water while the breeze blew the hair out of my face. I watched and listened to the rhythms of the waves crashing on themselves. And as I did this, I again longed to be laying in the cool ocean. It was strange, though, because this time around it was different — be it my attitude as of late or the rose colored sunglasses I was looking through. 

    I stared at the ocean and just wanted to dive deep into its depths to relieve me of the weight from all of the stresses I've endured the past year. I wanted to close my eyes and feel the cool water engulf me, soothing my emotional scars and mental stresses. My boyfriend repeatedly walking way, leaving me scared that he'll never stay. My teacher almost failing me to keep me from graduating, leaving me feeling undeserving of all that I have been given. My loved ones standing at odds with each other, leaving me fearful that I'll end up alone in the world. My brother-in-law mumbling to the girls about how terrible I was to my exboyfriend, leaving me angry and untrusting of him and my other siblings. My sister standing at my door yelling at me about how shitty I am, leaving me without any faith that my family will ever stop being broken. These things I would nearly drown myself in the ocean for, trying to find salvation from it all.  

    I would dive and dive and dive into the ocean, as if repeatedly dipping in a bleeding foot that's scratched up from the coral, until I felt at ease and calm. Again, I would eventually stand and wade my way back to shore, letting the bright sun dry the water off of my skin. And I would be left with the sea salt still stinging, but healing, my closing wounds.

    -- ZelleZ

    Original Sea Salt: http://jello-girl42.xanga.com/723911731/sea-salt/